“We had one daughter in 1973. I’d been married nearly two years by then. And then a second daughter three years later. When I had the first daughter, after that I was no longer interested in sex. I just totally withdrew. It was a chore to me after that. As more and more time went by, I started being aware of other feelings. I guess the need for gentleness, softness and understanding was coming out – everything that I wasn’t getting.
That feeling just surfaced. I became more aware of women and wanting to be with a woman rather than a man. In January 1987 the marriage broke up and it was very bad for a while. There was violence in the marriage and there was a lot of violence after it broke up. In May I met S, and then everything that I ever wanted was there, I had it all, all of a sudden. And it was just the most amazing thing. I didn’t look back.
It was just so natural, so right. It was the best thing in the world. It was like everything I’d been waiting for and wanting my whole life. We were just so much alike. We’d finish each other’s sentences right from the beginning. It was just so right.
When I started seeing S, there were a couple of factors in play there; she was paranoid that someone would find out about her. So I did everything in my power to protect her. Also with a violent soon-to-be ex-husband in the wings, there was no way I wanted him to find out. So I was just fortunate that the girls, they were about 13 and 16 at the time, spent the weekends with their dad. That left me the weekends free to be with S.
We were very cloistered. Nobody knew; we didn’t talk to anybody or go anywhere. We just did a lot of bike riding and walking on the beach and natural things. It was just fantastic. Until the day she left me four years later, I was still doing everything I could to protect her. Everything. As far as I was concerned, I was really truly happy and had everything for the first time in my life. I would have gone around yelling it. It wouldn’t have concerned me at all who knew.”
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